It had been a rough day for Jonathan. The convenience store where he clerked had experienced a robbery and two shots fired. A delivery driver in the stock room had suffered a graze to the leg and there was collateral damage to the store.
Jonathan’s boss had sent him home for the day and given him a week off with pay. The police would have the crime scene tied up for several days and items needed repair. The first few pints he drank to steady his nerves and calm down from the earlier fracas. The next round came as people recognized him as the clerk from the news. The final round was in celebration that the criminal had offed himself by crashing the van and flying through the windscreen.
Jonathan hadn’t noticed his tail as it slipped in through the door behind him. It watched him from a dark corner as he fumbled with his keys. Jonathan eventually gave up finding his mailbox key and stumbled up the three flights of stairs to his flat. A man stepped out of the shadows on the first floor and examined the mailboxes. Box number 402 bore the label ‘Jon Smyth’. The man grinned and let himself out the back door.
In the morning, Iris Spinch came downstairs to meet Lucy Morgen in the Manor kitchen for breakfast. Lucy was in a serious mood as she set about serving the breakfast that John had left warming in the oven. She poured out a fresh cup of coffee and set down a cup of tea for Iris.
“Destroying things, killing, is easy. Fixing things, making things better, is the real challenge. You have a talent for destruction, Iris. Let’s see if we can’t accomplish some good.” Lucy took a sip of her morning coffee.
Iris set down her teacup. “Are you asking me to atone for my sins?”
“No. You don’t set out to cause havoc. You just want to get on with your life. I’m asking you to find a way to use your talents to do more than just help yourself. It’s the price of living here – rent free, meals included – take it or leave it.”
“I haven’t a clue as to how I manage to cause so much trouble. I only know how to avoid getting nabbed when it happens. But this is a nice place... do I get to keep the room that I’m in? It’s a really nice room.” Iris started to stand up quickly, but Lucy’s hand intervened sparing the table and the breakfast dishes from destruction.
“Offhand, I’d recommend working on staying calm. Let’s finish our breakfast first, then we can work on ways to harness your special talents.”
Iris smiled, then dug into the plate of scrambled eggs, bacon, and sausage in front of her. She couldn’t remember that last time that she had been full. Well, actually, it was last night. She piled the food on her plate. The meal consisted of boneless smoked pork chops, mashed potatoes, carrots, and peas. She emptied the serving bowls when she went back for seconds. She even went so far as to lick the plates clean, much to the dismay of her hosts. Except now they were her housemates.
Iris took her time savoring the bacon and the sausage. She salted and peppered the scrambled eggs before digging into them. She made a point of alternating bites and savoring the mix of eggs and sausage, or eggs and bacon, or even bacon and sausage. She sipped her tea to cleanse her palate between bites. It was one glorious game of forkfuls.
Lucy watched Iris eat while sipping on her large mug of coffee. She wasn’t nearly as hungry as she should have been. She was satisfied with a cup of yogurt topped with fresh blueberries, and her coffee. “In the meantime, how would you like a job?”
“Doing what?”
“We could use someone to help out at the office. There will be spending money and a car, assuming you can drive.”
In the morning, a dog stood watch at each door to keep an eye on their quarry. Jonathan woke with a nasty hangover. After downing some ibuprofen with his morning cup of tea, he felt the need for a morning jog. A few blocks later he turned back. It was then that he noticed the stray dog. Jonathan reached out to pat it on the head, but it growled a steady slow back of the throat growl that convinced him not to touch it.
As he gathered up his mail in the lobby, Jonathan spotted another dog peering in through the back exit to the parking lot. He shook his head, shrugged his shoulders, and walked up the three flights of stairs to his apartment. After sorting his mail, he popped open is laptop and read his email. The store manager had written to confirm the length of his time off with pay.
News of the incident had reached his family and friends back home in Hull. They had sent him some frantic emails that he took the time to answer. “I’m fine,” he wrote. “My boss gave me time off with pay to recover while the police finish the investigation and the store can be reopened.” “Mum, how are the corgi’s doing? Some dog was growling at me the other day. Strangest thing as I’ve never had that happen before.” “Uni is on break for the summer. They don’t all have frat houses. Probably best. There’s a pub just down the street from my flat. I wish the building had a lift. I had to climb three flights rat-arsed after all the free pints last night.”
Just as Jonathan was finishing his lunch, the local police called asking him to come downtown to the station to sign an official statement before they closed the file on the case. As he left his apartment building, he noticed several dogs across the street that followed him the two blocks to the bus stop. While at the police station, he took his time reading over the documents before signing the statement. He didn’t really get a good look at the robber’s face at the time, only the clothes. It was enough for the police to consider his description as a positive identification.
Jonathan made a few stops before heading home. He wandered over to the store to see what condition it was in. There were long strings of crime scene tape and boards covering holes in broken glass. It was still a mess from yesterday’s shooting. The manager had lowered the metal gates, locking the place up tightly. From the store, he took a bus to the tavern to grab something to eat.
Lucy drove Iris in to the office and spent the morning explaining how to operate the various equipment. Iris was more tech savvy than Lucy expected and quickly connected the office to her personal accounts on the internet. Seeing that Iris had settled in, Lucy went back to her office to listen to her voicemail messages and read her email.
Iris was curious about the news coverage of the previous day’s mayhem. She searched for videos related to the robbery and the ensuing police chase to watch. The most recent report identified the perpetrator as a man who had recently lost his job and was heavily intoxicated at the time. “Poor man. I wonder how you really died.” He had clearly been through a window, possibly by defenestration. And some force had blown a hole through the van’s driver-side front window. To Iris, the glitch was noticeable, but the reporters and police were oblivious to it.
Iris bided her time surfing the internet when she came across the video of a man who looked an awful lot like John Smith. He looked so much like John that he could pass for his twin brother.
“Lucy, come watch this!” She paused the video and pulled the timer back to the beginning. Lucy sighed and walked over to Iris’ desk. Iris turned her monitor so Lucy could see and hit play. The news video about the convenience store robbery played for a few minutes before Iris paused it and zoomed in on a man’s face. “Isn’t that John?”
Lucy shook her head. “No, but it does look a lot like him.” A few minutes later, the phone rang. The owner of the Cock & Fox was asking for John. “He’s out of the office. What’s this about?” After listening for a few minutes, Lucy smiled and hung up the phone. “Grab your things. It’s time to see a man about a dog, or rather, a pack of dogs.”
Jonathan Smythe was at his wit’s end by the time Lucy Morgen showed up with Iris in tow. The strays made his walk home from the pub into a living hell. They barked at him, growled at him, nipped at his heels, and harassed him in every conceivable way. He ran the last block home and was sitting with his back against the door when Lucy knocked. At first, he tried pretending that he wasn’t home, but Lucy keep knocking. “I know you’re in there. We really need to talk.”
“Go away. I’m not in the mood to talk to anyone.”
“I think that I can help you with your dog problem. Please let me in.” Lucy could hear the sigh behind the door while he came to peer out the peephole. A few minutes later, he unbolted the door and let the two women inside.
“What’s it gonna cost me to get rid of the problem?”
“Nothing.” Lucy nodded toward the man’s dining table where his laptop sat. “May I? I need to show you something that should help explain.”
Jonathan glanced over at his laptop, then the floor, then finally Lucy. “Yeah, sure, go ahead.”
Lucy sat down at the table and quickly brought up the online advertisement for ‘Smith and Morgen’. “I’m afraid that you are a victim of mistaken identity.” She showed Jonathan the photo of John Smith. “You could be twins.”
Jonathan sat down hard enough to cause the chair to creak. “I still don’t understand.” He gripped the laptop and studied the two faces. “This is why the dogs are following me? Because I look like him?” Lucy nodded. “But why would they be following him?” Lucy grimaced. She didn’t want to explain anything that she felt he didn’t need to know.
“We’ll have to ask them, she quipped. “We can pull them off you long enough to find out who their master is. And the best part is that you won’t have to leave your apartment.” Lucy looked at Iris. “Could you manage for a few minutes to wear his face?”
Iris smiled. “It looks like a face that could get me free drinks. I could probably wear it all night.”
“Ahem!” Jonathan stood up. “What do you mean by ‘wear his face’? That doesn’t sound good.”
Lucy smiled. “It’s not as bad as it sounds. Iris is a whiz with make-up. She can pass herself off as just about anyone. We might have to borrow some clothes to pull it off – just to pass the sniff test. We’ll get them back to you when we are finished.” Jonathan calmed down and led the two women into his bedroom to shop his closet for a suitable outfit.
Iris went through the clothes hamper looking for clothes that reeked of the man. She pulled out a pair of jeans and a shirt and pulled them on over her shorts and tank top. Then she grabbed her bag and went into the bathroom. A little while later, she came out looking very much like a woman wearing stage makeup. Lucy had spent the time convincing Jonathan that the resemblance would be good enough to fool the dogs. “It’s really important that you turn off you lights as if you were going out for the night. They need to be convinced that Iris is you.” Jonathan nodded and went about shutting off the lights.
Halfway down the middle stairs, Iris altered her appearance into a more convincing looking Jonathan Smythe. By the time the two emerged out the back door, Lucy had ramped up her special sight. The couple walked down the alleyway behind the apartment building and the nearby houses. They met a dozen dogs with bad attitudes.
“Is this all of you? Or are there more?” Lucy addressed the biggest dog there. “You can drop the pretty face, Iris. It’s time to let these mongrels know we’ve led them down the garden path. And if they ask nicely, they get to know by whom.” Lucifer started in the back of the pack, slowly bouncing each animus back to its home dimension until only the big dog remained.
“Seems we’ve been barking up the wrong tree in more ways than one.” The large dog had transformed into a heavy muscular man who mistakenly believed that he could intimidate Lucy. “It’s you who been sending our kind back. It’s you who needs warning.”
Lucy laughed. “Your kind are lucky that I only send them back. I’ve done worse things to others. I’ve no tolerance for bloodsuckers.” Lucy started to glow in the dark back alley. “Let me enlighten you. I am Lucifer. If your kind come here, they must behave themselves. Those who don’t behave I send back. Those like you...” Lucy sighed. “...get a choice between apologizing and leaving or ceasing to exist. Your call.”
Back at Jonathan Smythe’s apartment, Iris was busy stripping off his dirty laundry and availing herself of his shower. Lucy relayed an apology from the owner of the pack to Jonathan for the day’s harassment. She also handed over a recompense for his distress. “I’m sorry it isn’t more, it’s all he had on him.”
Jonathan smiled and took the cash. “It’ll do.”
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